Gone to the bank to get some cash in smaller bills (20,10,5,1) for my South America trip today. I carried my money belt with me, thought I'd do some test run, see what it's like to wear a money belt all day. The last time I wore a money belt was like back in 1998 when I travelled to Europe. It's the hip belt kind, but I remember I wore it up to my chest, it felt much safer somehow, cause I can definitely feel it kept close against my body. I liked that secure feeling without the string hanging down my neck. Anyway, because of that, I have got the same kind for this trip again. The recommended way to wear that kind of money belt is to wear underneath the pant, just around the hip. Ta... that's why it calls the hip belt kind, don't you think people name something for a reason? But, not me, I have determined to convert that to a chest belt. And...mmmmmh, I can't say I get the same feeling I had many years ago, it's really more complicated than I envisioned.
Anyway, this is what happened: I wear the money belt up to my chest again, there are some HK dollars and my old passport in it, just to give it some weights. At first, it feels fine. Kind of like wearing a bra actually. I was a curious kid as a child and did try my mom's bra at the age of 8! It didn't look good on me, so I never picked up that fashion. ;) Anyway, so I tight it up, the money belt is literally wrapping my chest, and leaving the long belt hanging down after I buckle it up. I tuck it around the other side so I don't get a tail behind me. If I lift up my shirt, there it is, a bra without a breast. Yak! That's what it looks like, kinda warm but it feels fine. So I went out.
As I am walking down the street, I try to raise my chest up high, feel proud and all, like doing a commercial. I run across to the bus stop on the other side and hop on the bus, it is still ok, it stays where it is supposed to be. After I get off the bus, however, it starts to slipping downwards as I am walking to the bank, so I re-adjust it. I don't think that's how women do the re-adjusting. I basically grab that belt from the outside of my shirt, pull upwards, and then my shirts get all tucked underneath the belt, you know it's like, so obvious that there is something inside my shirt. I loosen the shirt up again, and try to pull the buckle tighter hoping it will stay still. Nope.. once it starts slipping down, it keeps doing it. And because of the constant re-adjusting, it rubs against my chest, it is getting kind of warm in there, and I start to sweat. Oh jesus! So I just let it hang around my belly as long as it stays, I hope, and it doesn't, it jiggles around. Instantly, a wonder bra downgrade to a cheap dubou (肚兜) - the anicent chinese under garment which were used to wrap around the belly, you don't show your belly button to anyone in those days. That's a sin back then! I know why... it's more like a tube top instead of bra really, there is nothing hanging over my shoulder, and I am no 36D, so it doesn't stay on my chest.
Admit it: This is not working! Back to the basics, follow the instructions, I am wearing it in the front under my pant as I am typing this post, it's actually not uncomfortable, except that I feel like a security guard, wearing something to protect my manhood! It is a little warmer down there too, feel like I am hatching an egg or something in all the wrong places. Also, I guess when I need to pee, there will have one more obstacle to get past now. Don't think they accept wet bills down in South America!
